#395 – Alligator Arms

Here’s the third golfing comic I promised y’all way back when. Ah, old people and their archaic terms. The worst part of this was that I began to think about my arms more when I’d get up to the tee to swing and it would totally put a funk on me. I sliced left, I sliced right, I dug down behind the ball, I topped it the entire fairway. Mmm, again, unsolicited advice? Of any kind? No thanks, no thanks, and no thanks.

Well, here we are everybody. The end of July. Starting tomorrow, the comics process is changing. In due time, comics for every day will be up and here on the site, but y’all will just have to be a bit patient. I hope none of you leave me for thinner, more sexy journal comics that put out on the first date. I’m worth the wait, I swear!

Why I just made this all into a sexual analogy, I have no idea…

See you in the future!

Snapple Real Facts #149: Theodore Roosevelt was the only president blind in one eye.

Then I look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide lick and taste
What’s the use in worrying, what’s the use in hurrying
Turn turn we almost become dizzy
– “Dancing Nancies” by Dave Matthews Band

#394 – Rush Concert

Mmm, it was a very good concert though. Looooong, but very good, which means it is worth the longness. They opened with “Limelight”, played nearly everything off their new album, did some “veteran” tunes, and closed with “A Passage to Bangkok”. Sadly, my favorite song, sweetmemories!, did not get its chance to shine. Oh wells. Can’t win them all…

Also, I’d again like to apologize to Tara and her mother. See, I’m a magnetic sort of person. I can’t help it. I attract weirdos and jerks in like moths to a flame. It isn’t anything I can control, but I do feel bad that these peepeeheads always make their way to me at some point. Maybe they somehow got wind that I draw a comic strip about my life and were like, “Sweet! We can be famous! And by famous I mean not-famous! But still! Sweet!”

Yup, just like that.

D, we still need to go see something. Maybe a September show?

Snapple Real Facts #25: The only food that doesn’t spoil is honey.

It’s a far cry from the world we thought we’d inherit
You can almost see the circle growing
You can almost feel the planet glowing
– “Far Cry” by Rush

#393 – Meet Brendon

Shockingly, I wasn’t the one that suggested Frodo.

Writing news
Yesterday, I found out that I’ll have a piece of short fiction published in an upcoming issue of Behind the Wainscot. Yay! Stay tuned kiddies for this one! It’ll go live sometime early August!

Snapple Real Facts #13: Cats have over one hundred vocal chords.

I’m looking at myself, reflections of my mind,
It’s just the kind of day to leave myself behind,
So gently swaying through the fairyland of love,
If you’ll just come with me and see the beauty of
Tuesday afternoon.
“Tuesday Afternoon (Forever Afternoon)” by The Moody Blues

#392 – Forgot Your Cake

Mmm cake. I miss it, actually. It provided desserts for a good six to seven days, and I kid thee not when I say it was bigger than Tara’s head. Want proof? Check out how it compares to my DS and Commerce Bank receipt:

A few more things about the upcoming changes to MyLifeComics. I’m going to stop numbering these because, while my ego gets a total stroke out of just how much I produce, it is not at all accurate and will soon grow further and further away from genuine accuracy. Yes, I’m that anal. This will be the last week of the “old school” style. And for the naysayers, back off. I appreciate the concern, but not the unsolicited advice. This is my baby, not yours.

Also, the third page of chapter one for Fortuitous Twist is now online: love it up!

Snapple Real Facts #109: Smelling bananas and/or apples can help you lose weight.

I need a dream, I need a bigger dream
Tell me if you know what I mean
I wanna live, I wanna live in your camera
Take a picture of my heart with you
– “Evidence” by Joseph Arthur

Changes, always with the changes

As we close in on the 400th comic here at MyLifeComics, I’ve started to do some thinking.

It actually began with a remark from D. She’d been glancing at my notebook where I actually draw these little moments of time and noticed that I do not date them nor number them in the notebook as I do so here on this website. There’s both a simple and convoluted reasoning for this. Would you like the simple reason first?

I’m lazy/dumb.

Ah, lucky for you, the convoluted reasoning is a little more fun to write about. See, the first mmm three hundred comics or so were drawn on pieces of loose paper and then tossed in a folder without any sort of organization to them. Sure, I know exactly what goes where and what happened when…but then again, it is my life after all. After that, I bought myself a nice notebook to keep them all in…yet I still didn’t date them or give any kind of clue as to when they were happening.

But the confusing part is that, more often than not, the comics I post here are about events that happened two to three weeks prior–yet they get dated with the day that they are posted, which leads people to believe things that are not necessarily true. This happens because I’m most certainly not able to draw a comic every day and then post said comic with a bloggy words beneath it every day. I just don’t have the time, the passion, or the love to do that–even though y’all here are great.

But! I’d really like to have my journal comics reflect a truer sense of my life, a more accurate account.

Which leads us to August 2008. A test month. A month where I’ll be drawing a comic a day (31 comics minimum, for those non-mathy people), but they will not be posted every day. I will post them online according to their dates when I can. I put that in bold for a reason. This means no more daily posts here, no more midnight comics, no more of that for now. But eventually, all the comics of the month will be posted here for your enjoyment.

But wait! There’s more! I’m going to be collecting the month’s worth of comics (along with bonus ones cause I’m nice like that) in a small, cheap print zine. Each month will get their own issue, and I’ll probably put these up for sale via this blog, with payment through PayPal. I’m thinking…$3.00 a copy for the time being.

I’m hoping that this will free up my weekday nights so that instead of worrying over getting the comic done for the following day–as well as drafting a post that is somewhat entertaining–I can get back to writing. Writing short stories, writing bits of flash fiction, hey, maybe finishing that frakking novel that loathes me for ignoring it for so long.

Because the truth is, of all the things in the world that I’d really want to be (excluding chocolate chip cookie taste-tester), I’d much rather be a writer and a cartoonist. I’d still like to be both, but if the former can happen before the latter I’d be pleased as punch. This will have no effect on Fortuitous Twist, which will just be updated when I want it to be updated.

Thanks for reading (if you read this far), and try not to hate me too much for this. No one really likes change, but it is either this or I slowly go mad from all the wishful thinking…

#391 – The Power of Voodoo

AHHAHAAHAHAHA I CAN’T DRAW DAVID BOWIE FOR SHIT! AHAHA!

Wanna see–and hear–that penultimate song in panel numero three? Fast forward to about 1:48 here:

Snapple Real Facts #176: The first bike was called a hobbyhorse.

What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dogs tails
Thunder or lightning
Then baby said
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
– “Magic Dance” by Jareth the Goblin King/David Bowie

#390 – War, the Movie

Yeah, so War, well…it’s a bit ridiculous. I guess that is to be expected, considering the two head-to-head starpunchers are Jason Statham and Jet Li. I might re-watch it, one day, possibly before 2017 hits, just to have my mind blown again, but it isn’t really a pressing matter at the moment. Still, I like the Transporter dude, despite him being the same dude in every film ever. He could’ve starred in Mamma Mia! and I’d have gone to watch it so long as he yelled, kicked ass, and punched out Pierce Brosnan for singing off key. Granted, that’s the only way I’d see such a film ever, but that’s just how I roll.

And now, for everyone’s enjoyment (and to appease my sanity), my to-do list:

• Light rewrite on “The Lady of Jeweled Dreams”
• Finish “Five Meals in a Barlorian Five-Star Restaurant”
• Finish “Space Forbid” and think of a much much better title for the piece
• Write something for the newly announced Cinema Spec: Tales of Hollywood and Fantasy anthology, the followup to Sporty Spec: Games of the Fantastic where y’all can find my tale of futuristic horseracing “The Sport of Kings”
• Complete the contract from Fictitious Force for “Imaginary Puissance” and write up less than 250 words about the story itself (eep!)
• Draw the third page for Fortuitous Twist
• Draw a short comic about time travel for the Undoomed zine’s first issue
• Get caught up here at MyLifeComics-land
• Read!
• Renew my car insurance
• Call about getting a new coupon book from my student loan people since they seem to love to forget to send me a new one when the time rolls around for a new one to be sent, jerks

Mmm, that’s actually quite small compared to previous versions. Yay? Yup, yay.

Oh, and remember that little naked baby swimming for a dollar on the cover of Nirvana’s Nevermind some seventeen years back? Well, he’s all grown up now.

Snapple Real Facts #107: You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Take up your arms
Sons and daughters
We will arise from the bunkers
By land, by sea, by dirigible
We’ll leave our tracks untraceable now
– “Sons and Daughters” by The Decemberists

#389 – Vacation Ends

Guess who didn’t feel like drawing people for this comic? Go on. Guess.

Hey, who else heard about Batman going a little batty? Where was my old man crush, Sir Michael Caine, when all of this was going on? Where oh where? WHERE WAS BRUCE’S BRITISHY VOICE OF REASON?

Snapple Real Facts #197: The first person crossed Niagara Falls by tightrope in 1859.

The minute you walked in the joint
I could see you were a man of distinction
A real big spender
Good looking, so refined
Say wouldn’t you like to know what’s going on in my mind
– “Big Spender” by Queen

#388 – Faux Birthday

Yes, I got fireworks. D supposedly planned it all out, she said. I still don’t know if I believe her…and actually, correct me if I’m wrong oh-family-of-mine, but I think I actually used to call fireworks “boom-boom sky” instead of “bang-bang sky.” Gah. I’m a failure with words. My memory is so going…

Some many days ago, I held a little contest asking readers to name my brand new laptop. Trina destroyed the competition, offering up a name that sort of held the key to my heart: Macaroni. Here is her prize:

That’s Trina in the middle. Come on, use your imagination. You know what I’m also adding to my list of Impossible Things to Draw now…nudibranches. My attempt at such a critter is that dancing taco in the bottom right corner. Ugh. Apologizes to sea slugs everywhere!

Snapple Real Facts #18: A jellyfish is 95% water.

And now, we proudly present
Songs perverse and songs of lament
A couple of hymns of confession
And songs that recognize our sick obsessions
Sing along, I’m on the ugly organ again
Sing along, I’m on the ugly organ, so let’s begin
– “Some Red Handed Sleight of Hand” by Cursive

#387 – Dogwave Dream

…and I like dogs. Go figure.

It was a busy weekend, hence the abnormality above. Will get back to the regular MyLifeComics style for the remainder of the week’s stories, which, amazingly (or sadly, depending on how you look at it), are still about the vacation. So yeah, must get a move on with them. As well as Fortuitous Twist. And Trina’s underwater extravaganza. And the short stories pleading for me to finish them. Oi…

Welcome to Monday!

Snapple Real Facts #223: The Basenji is the only type of dog that does not bark.

Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
– “The World I Know” by Collective Soul