MyLifeComics

…and you thought your life was exciting!

Posts Tagged ‘golf

Hillbillies Hate Gay Golfing Couples

with 4 comments

Ah, not quite a revisit to the alligator arms day, but a whole new set of jerkfaces. They were pretty seething by the time we got up to the putting green on the first hole; they were waiting for us, not quite ready to tackle the second hole before they marked their territory, the words barely able to be contained in their stupid, dumb, blubbering mouths, and they seemed to actually accuse me of almost killing them. As if. I can barely hit the ball a hundred yards, let alone faster than 10 mph. The only person that almost died that day was Mr. Squirrel, but he skittered around to the other side of the tree trunk when he saw Sean was up to swing and practiced some zen-like positions.

I wonder who we’ll meet on our next outing. I hope it’s Bob Barker.

Can we take the next hour
And talk about me
Talk about me, and we’ll talk about me
Talk about me, and we’ll only talk about me

– “I’m Actual” by The Format

Written by Paul

September 20, 2008 at 6:52 pm

Posted in comics, jerks, outdoors, relationships, sports

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#395 – Alligator Arms

with 10 comments

Here’s the third golfing comic I promised y’all way back when. Ah, old people and their archaic terms. The worst part of this was that I began to think about my arms more when I’d get up to the tee to swing and it would totally put a funk on me. I sliced left, I sliced right, I dug down behind the ball, I topped it the entire fairway. Mmm, again, unsolicited advice? Of any kind? No thanks, no thanks, and no thanks.

Well, here we are everybody. The end of July. Starting tomorrow, the comics process is changing. In due time, comics for every day will be up and here on the site, but y’all will just have to be a bit patient. I hope none of you leave me for thinner, more sexy journal comics that put out on the first date. I’m worth the wait, I swear!

Why I just made this all into a sexual analogy, I have no idea…

See you in the future!

Snapple Real Facts #149: Theodore Roosevelt was the only president blind in one eye.

Then I look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide lick and taste
What’s the use in worrying, what’s the use in hurrying
Turn turn we almost become dizzy

– “Dancing Nancies” by Dave Matthews Band

Written by Paul

July 31, 2008 at 12:00 am

#385 – Bitsy Goes Golfing

with 5 comments

Yes, another golfing comic. Deal with it. In fact, there’ll be a third one in the upcoming days. Yes, I’m a wee bit more active these days. Long gone are the days where I go to Quiznos, chat up the locals, and draw about the mayhem that ensues…

Bitsy, pay attention to this paragraph. Animal Crossing: City Folk was just announced today, and you can check out the trailer for it here! It’s for the Wii, and you take a bus into the city where all the shops, plus new ones, seem to be. Other than that and a few new holidays to be celebrated, it seems to be the same game as AC: WW, but it is hard to tell. Will have to wait for more information. This might be the sole reason to buy a Wii, I tell you:

Get down, summer in the city!

Get down, summer in the city!

Fuck yes!

Also, Joss Whedon fans unite! Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog is absolutely wonderful and well worth watching. It’s got a great cast, a fun plot, and silly songs. By the gods of Kobol are the songs catchy! And it’ll only be up for a short time so get on it now. Okay, that’s enough outta me.

Snapple Real Facts #68: The longest one-syllable word is “screeched.”

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

– “The Call” by Regina Spektor

Written by Paul

July 17, 2008 at 12:00 am

#384 – Mini-Golfing Rejection

with 7 comments

For those of you that don’t know–and shame on you–the nineteenth hole here is not referencing the nearest pub to the course (of which, in Ocean City, there are none), but instead is talking about the final hole offered to players in a round a miniature golf. It is the bane of golf swings worldwide, a slender slab of faux grass and trite design aesthetics that lavishly promise any putter that sinks a hole-in-one a free game. But that doesn’t happen. Not now, not ever. Go ahead and think of someone, anyone at all. Have they ever won a free game like so? I think nots. It is impossible to work the nineteenth hole’s magic, and having people shout “Rejected!” at you only adds insult to injury. Still, I won…so neener neener neener.

Snapple Real Fact #173: Chinese is the most spoken language in the world.

Someone come quickly, this place was built for moving out
Leave behind buildings, the city planners got mapped out
Bring with you history and make your hard-earned feast
Then we’ll go to Omaha, to work and exploit the booming music scene and humility
And we’ve been talking all night

– “The Execution of All Things” by Rilo Kiley

Written by Paul

July 16, 2008 at 12:00 am

Posted in bitsy, comics, D, funny, games, sports, travel, vacation

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#381 – “What If” Situations

with 6 comments

Wouldn’t you do the same?

Thanks, everybody, for the birthday wishes! Tara was waiting with cake for me when I got home from work. We went out to din-din at Applebee’s where I watched in horror as THREE other people got birthday songs sung at them. Ugh. Why would anyone wish such torture upon themselves? Thankfully, none of the employees caught wind of my day-of-birth, and I enjoyed a glass of red apple sangria (though it deceptively contained green apples) in peace. THEN cake devouring happened, and man oh man can she make a yummy cake. Yes, I exist just to make you all jealous.

The weekend is here, too. W00t. Mine is jam-packed with shtuff: tonight I’ll be seeing Some Guy with a Guitar, tomorrow I’ll be seeing RUSH in concert (!!!), and Sunday I’ll be seeing myself slicing and dicing up the golf course as I’m wont to do. What are y’all up to these next days?

Snapple Real Fact #12: Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards.

Sweet memories
Flashing very quickly by
Reminding me
And giving me a reason why
I know that
My goal is more than a thought
I’ll be there
When I teach what I’ve been taught
And I’ve been taught…

– “Lessons” by Rush

Written by Paul

July 11, 2008 at 12:00 am

#319 – Beyond Advice

with 12 comments

I don’t play many sports, mostly because I get very turned off by their competitive nature. Now, that does not mean I’m not competitive (I can be), but in sports everything is taken up a couple hundred notches. In high school, I was pressured into signing up for the golf team. Immediately, I knew I was out of place as I watched everyone claim they could out-drive one another and began putting some monetary bets on these beliefs. I did not participate. Tryouts came and went, and I did not make the team. I was secretly both relieved and ecstatic. I continued to go to class with a lot of the golf team members, listening to their stories of woe or brags of might, and I really couldn’t understand. When I golf now, I like it to just be me and my father. Sometimes just me. Bringing in other people is a wager, and these were the sorts that I had gone to high school with. Still concerned about beer and betting on who was the better golfer…nope, not for me. And unsolicited advice is something that really grates my cheese. I don’t hand my own out; therefore, don’t give me any. I’m not looking to be the next Tiger Woods. I just want to play a little golf, feel good if I sink a long putt, and be content with all of that.

Also, calling me a “big guy” is an easy way to get me to hate you. Don’t effing do it.

So, what’s your favorite sport?

Written by Paul

April 2, 2008 at 8:43 am

Posted in musings, rant, sports

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