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Archive for May 2007

#118 – Wii, Wii

with 3 comments

I’m still unsure if she was joking around or being very, very serious. Granted, I don’t have a Wii. But if I did, I’d take my Wii out every night and play with it for hours. Play until my palms began to hurt. I’d treat my Wii like a piece of royalty, like a mighty king that rules and could crush mere peasants beneath his feet. Ah, Wii. How I so want you…

Written by Paul

May 31, 2007 at 12:36 pm

Posted in videogames

#117 – Grizzly Adams

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For some reason, and really I can’t understand or possibly begin to understand why this is so, people feel compelled to speak with me. Especially strangers. They see me, think something, open their mouth, and say what’s on their mind. Generally, I don’t reply, hoping they’ll get the hint. You know, as in, don’t talk to me or I’ll punch you in the neck hint hint. Alas, the majority of people I come into contact with are morons and continue on saying whatever idiotic shtuff that swirls in that cesspool of a brain.

And yes, maybe some women do like that Grizzly Adams look. Though he left his wife and children behind to go live solo in the mountains, Mr. James Adams did have a wife. See? Someone liked his look. Sheesh.

Written by Paul

May 30, 2007 at 12:47 pm

Posted in haircut

#116 – Spilled Coffee

with 4 comments

I’m still undecided on my ending of choice, though given the size of the stain and the brilliant whiteness of my shirt…I’m leaning more towards the “no one noticed” sad face. Oh wells. Maybe next time I’ll spill some magma? No, no, no. Much too hot to drink magma now that summer’s getting here.

Written by Paul

May 29, 2007 at 12:37 pm

Posted in coffee love

#115 – Kidnapped

with 3 comments

Oh, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. If only you watched To Catch a Predator, then you’d care.

I don’t know. Is it weird to wish people a nice Memorial Day?

Written by Paul

May 28, 2007 at 12:49 pm

Posted in uncategorized

#114 – Spidey 3

with 3 comments

So, there were three groups in the movie theatre: a mother and daughter combo that sat quietly all the way in the back, my sister and myself, and the hillbilly horde with the trio of terror that decided the best place to sit–out of everywhere available–was directly behind us. I still don’t understand how this happens. Whenever I go to a theatre, I think about these things. I think, “Well, you devilish man you, should you sit directly behind these folks when you could easily move up one row and sit five seats over to the right?” I don’t know. I just don’t get how people can be so…unaware? Clueless? Stoopid stoopid stoopid? Eh, fill in your own adjective for now.

Oh, and Spider-Man 3 was all right. Certainly not the greatest of the trilogy, but it did what it needed to do. Now, can I get a “please re-cast MJ Watson as soon as possible, huzzah!” in the house?

Hope everyone has a nice weekend! And a nice Monday off if you get it at work (I doooo).

Written by Paul

May 25, 2007 at 12:39 pm

Posted in movies

#113 – Birds, Mate

with 7 comments

Nothing against birds or Petsmart, but I wanted my tall hazelnut frappuccino (with whipped cream!). Some days, that’s all I ever need…

Oh, and I take back what I wrote earlier about some of the new shows coming out next season for the big networks. Pushing Daisies looks fun, probably because it’s coming from the people behind the Men in Black movies. I’m definitely going to try and watch it.

Written by Paul

May 24, 2007 at 12:35 pm

Posted in uncategorized

#112 – Redneck Horseshoes

with 10 comments

So, playing regular horseshoes involves four, you know, horseshoes and two stakes. As I learned that evening, redneck horseshoes involves throwing washers at a specified target. I have no idea if the scoring system is the same or not. Either way, I wonder if rednecks are offended at this much like the cavemen are bothered by the Geico commercials. I mean, imagine this: a long long long time ago, a caveman grew bored. He picked up a rock and threw it at a hole. It missed, but his buddy tried and got it in. Thus, caveman horseshoes was born. Time to trademark, commercialize, and sell sell sell. But wouldn’t true redneck horseshoes involve throwing cousins out of mobile homes?

I kid, I kid. Please don’t send me hate mail.

Written by Paul

May 23, 2007 at 12:41 pm

Posted in uncategorized

#111 – The Benefit Walk

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Anyone want to take a guess at what the benefit walk was for? Rude T-Shirt Guy might give you a clue.

So, LOST season finale is tomorrow and I. Am. Excited. Here’s my prediction though. For every question they answer, the show will bring up three new questions along with two new characters. Considering the finale is two hours long, we might just end up with a lot of new questions (i.e., what’s with the aliens?) and new characters (i.e., Bob the Alien/Xyrazitti the Alien). Either way, Charlie will die. He has to. Truthfully, I don’t want him to because–besides Hurley and Sawyer on a good day–Charlie adds a lot of humor to the show. Plus, you know, hobbits never say die. Wait, no that’s not it. Frodo Merry lives!

Also, at some point, Jack will cry. That man lives to cry. It’s like Party of Five all over again…

Written by Paul

May 22, 2007 at 12:41 pm

Posted in uncategorized

#110 – The Spilling

with 7 comments

First, some advice for any wannabe cartoonists out there. Don’t draw a comic strip where you have to draw members of your family because you will, generally, feel guilty about your shoddy portrayal of ’em all.

Anyways, my sister is somewhat known for spilling things on a daily basis. Clearly, when she heard of my triumph, jealousy kicked in at full force and she tapped her wine glass juuuust enough to empty its contents all over her rug. Oi. The nerve of some people, ya know. But! But! A good thing came of all this. It was an omen, a sign, a whathaveyou. Time to get a new phone, time to join the iGeneration.

Time to evolve. And I have, folks, I have…

Written by Paul

May 21, 2007 at 12:39 pm

Posted in cell phone, wine

#109 – Boo Baseball

with 7 comments

Gather round, kids. It’s time for Grandpa Pauly to tell you all a story from ages past. Well, more like from when I was eight or nine years old.

You see, there was a time when I played baseball with the community league. Granted, I was generally out in left field and warming the bench. At point I played pitcher, which was like being the lead singer of a choir. Anyways, there was this one game that I’ll never forget. My team versus another team. Yeah, I know–captivating stuff. Now, the other team was known for its pitcher, a big stick of a boy that could throw harder and faster than…mmm…God? No, Thor. Yeah, let’s go with Thor. I was warming up to bat, watching my teammate slink his way up to the plate. Everyone was, more or less, afraid.

Then my teammate got pegged in the back with a speedball. He dropped to the ground, writhing, calling out in pain. The game was put on hold for a second as parents and coaches rushed over to check on him. He wasn’t in good condition; they ended up having to take him to the hospital for internal injuries. After that, the game resumed.

Guess who was up to bat next?

My coach kept signaling for me to bunt (I was an excellent bunter by the way, if such a trait is admirable). I didn’t know the sign for “you’re a crazy man.” I do remember my knees shaking, my hands growing hot and sweaty, that stupid helmet on my head feeling heavier than a rock. The pitches came, and they came fast. From here on, I don’t know what happened next. Did I bunt? Did I strike out? I know I didn’t get hit with the pitch. But everytime someone does–whether it’s the boy above in Little League or Joe Schmoe with the bigwigs or Susy Q in softball–I think of my teammate, shaking in the dirt like a broken toy. I’m 96% sure that the pitcher is in jail these days.

Doesn’t storytime rule?

Written by Paul

May 18, 2007 at 12:42 pm

Posted in sports