#352 - No Pauls

Let’s see, let’s see. Yesterday’s bacon comic strip is currently being featured on the front page of WordPress. That’s nice. Hello, new visitors. Please say hi! I won’t bite! Also, evidently just mentioning bacon gets people all excited. Like…orgasm excited. I guess that’s good to know.

Mmm Friday is here, quickly to be followed by the weekend. Hopefully not too quickly. Hmm, here’s a first in a long time. I’m going to spend some of it with my girlfriend. And I solemnly swear that I will finish up all my freelance work this weekend so that it can be dead and done and out of my mind. Please tell me what y’all are up to. Bonus points if you mention either ice cream or gardening.

Question of the day: Excluding me, do you know another Paul? If you don’t, give me a dollar.

Always waiting
For my ride to pick me up on my time
Seems I’m staying
As the others cross the finish lines
I could break into day I could set into speed
But to tell you the truth I’m always waiting
Always waiting
- “Waiting” by Mae

#351 - I Ate Bacon

Just so we’re on the same page, I’m talking about this. Not this. Also, I’m the worst lacto-ovo pescetarian that ever once was!

Not shown in the comic: Upon hearing about my latest adventure in eating, Tom stopped whatever he was talking about with whomever immediately to share his entire bacon-life story to us. When I tell you it was great, I mean it was beyond great. I’ve only ever seen such excitement in movies, where the children come bounding down the stairs, shrieking and shaking all because it is Christmas morning and Santa has done well. Anyways, Tom claims, and feel free to argue whether or not such a memory can exist, that he remembers the very first time he ever ate bacon at the age of three. Then came a list of the number of things one can do with bacon, as well as the numerous concoctions that something plus bacon can be born in no time at all. It really seemed to go on for hours when, in truth, it was only a handful of minutes. But that leads us to…

Question of the day: What do you like to put your bacon on? Don’t say cat.

And now I’m officially tired of the very word…

All the ships in the ocean
Outside my window
Under the moon
All the lights in the harbor
Keep me from sleeping
Keep me from dreaming
- “All That I Know” by The Get Up Kids

#350 - Be My Girlfriend

…and we can now add dogs to the list of things I have trouble drawing.

So, er, yes, now you all know. Cause I’m thinking suspicions were growing out there. Unfortunately, I have to turn in my Man Club membership card ASAP as this is now my new favorite website in the entire universe…

We’ll cut out bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We’ll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
- “Brand New Colony” by The Postal Service

#349 - Late for Dinner

In case you don’t already know, and really now people, pay the frak attention, I’m always getting lost. I’m 50% Irish, 50% Italian, and 100% Lost. Also, I’m not good at math…

Some link salad, no dressing:

• Yesterday’s Stuff White People Like was hysterical, so funny that I’m linking to it here and telling you to go and read it up.
• Sandra McDonald, author of The Outback Stars and The Stars Down Under, has begun posting the comics I drew for her latest book, which can be seen here. More are on their way, and if you find yourself intrigued from what you see, definitely check out her books. They have spaceships, alien technology, and smooching.
• One of my new favorite webcomics to read is Unshelved; it’s about books, ’nuff said.

Okay, that’s it. Go, be entertained.

Question of the day: If Mapquest was a person and you ran into him/her in a dark alley, would shit go down, as they say on the streets of high society? Personally, I think he has a lot coming to him. Namely, a couple of punches to the nether regions and that’s a major no-no in the world of man-to-man combat.

I’m just a face for every picture
A smile for your scrapbooks
And a story to be told
But I’m loving every second
So commemorate this hour
As the last I spend regretting what I have
- “This is How We Do” by All Time Low

#348 - Hyperion

Really, go read the plot summary and then come back here and tell me what you’ve learned. You’ll receive special kudos/bonus points/brownies if you can sum up the book in seven words or less. All I’ve been able to do is: Ragtag group of people go on death-mission. Ha! And that’s not even close. Still, Hyperion by Dan Simmons is a fantastic read. I heartily recommend it…

So, the weekend was good. Nay, great! And you’ll see why this week…

Question of the day: Um, I don’t know! Hmm. Who would win in a fight, a slightly inebriated James Bond (portrayed by Sean Connery) with magic bullets or a rabid unicorn with self-healing powers? Please show your math.

Black birds slow and softly breaks a glass of wine
Broken bluesy whisper sing to me tonight
Well, everybody wants to go on forever
I just wanna burn up hard and bright
I just wanna be your firecracker
- “Firecracker” by Ryan Adams

#347 - Laundry Room Things

I hate going down there. I swear, sometimes, right after sunset, I can hear these whispers in the corner. Oi vey. I vow to only do my laundry in broad daylight. That way I can look at all the neat treasures littered about on the yucky floor.

Anyways, moving on. Welcome to Friday, people! That means the weekend is here, oh, and mine is a busy one. But I’m very much looking forward to it. Busy, busy, busy, but completely relaxing and good at the same time. I know, I know. I’m an enigma. All will be revealed next week. How about you tell me what you’re up to this weekend?

Here in this life we seem so lost
On this side of brightness we don’t know where to go
I hope that we can make it
Through this night
- “This Side of Brightness” by Thursday

#346 - Day with D and Momma Dukes

There were several other things that happened with my day of D and Momma Dukes. One, they brought the good weather with them, turning the gloomy morning into a beautiful afternoon. Two, we got to watch some stereotypical Italians be…stereotypical. And three, um…we split a sleeve of Thin Mints for dessert in my apartment. I know, I know. You’re jealous. Well, that’s just how things unfold when we all get together. We’re a party, I tell you.

So, generally speaking, I’m not a big fan of comic/art memes. Mostly cause I never have time to do them. And they are always, always popping up, and the latest one just could not be ignored. Dave Valeza started a thing where artists must draw their teen selves in comparison with their now selves. Who am I to say no to such a fun idea? Here’s what I came up with:

But if I built you a city, would you let me in?
Would you tear it down?
- “Ruthless” by Something Corporate

#345 - Books Are Heavy

Did you know? Really, did you?

I actually said it a second time, again to Pam. As if I had just discovered the most profound of discoveries of our time. That yes, as a whole, when packed into boxes, books are heavy. Seriously, people. I have my smart days and my…hmm, other days. I’d blame it on being wiped out from watching Penny all day, but really that’s like me blaming the houseplants for being too needy or something.

I do not look forward to ever packing up my books. According to my GoodReads profile, I have over 350. Ugh. I wonder if they’ll be heavy. Don’t answer that.

Question of the day: What’s the last book you bought?

Mine would be Infinite Dreams by Joe Haldeman, which I’ve yet to get to. Grrr…

When the wind died down
you found yourself out drifting
in a ship whose sails weren’t big enough
to carry you and all the extra weight
- “Ships” by Tyler Ramsey

#344 - Playing for Penny

Here’s the hard version, with screaming and head twitches from original Saosin singer Anthony Green:

I play it just as sporadic, but somehow a wee bit softer. Plus, um, acoustically. Regardless, Penny was not a fan. She bowed out of the mosh pit and made for safe keeping on Pam’s bed. I was hoping she’d come back up and throw her bra at me. Penny, not Pam. No, Penny doesn’t wear a bra. Okay, this is getting out of hand.

Question of the day: Did you eat Mexican food for Cinco de Mayo? I didn’t, but I did drive by Chevy’s with my window down and that smelled pretty dang fantastic. Then again, I had some over the weekend. So if you had it, kudos to you, y’know, for celebrating your love for the initial victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín over French forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.

If I decided to sever the plates below
the shore would separate and have only seven symphonies
- “Lost Symphonies” by Saosin

#343 - Lion Mountain

Just think about it, people. Saturday night, a prime time of 9:00 p.m., you’re sitting around in your undies flipping through the channels in search of something good to watch. Something entertaining, something smart, something worth your very brain cells. And then a new show debuts, my show, replete with a tribal-heavy soundtrack of bongos and frenetic chanting: “Boy VS. The World with Lion Mountain”

I know, right. It sounds pretty dang awesome already. What’s the premise? Why, I’m glad you asked.

In “Boy VS. The World with Lion Mountain,” I travel all across the globe, taking on the challenges that greater men prior failed at. For example, in the very first episode, I slay an ogre. Future episodes may or may not see me doing battle with an army of undead soldiers, climbing Mount Everest, and creating the first flying car in a race of time against my weekly nemesis Dr. Brains (portrayed by none other than the sexy Michael Caine). So set your TIVOs and recording devices because, really, I’m taking over your television sets very, very soon. All your base are belong to us. If you don’t get that last part, it’s okay.

Now all I need is a catchphrase…

Question of the day: How ridiculous is Bear Grylls?

Your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
- “A Better Son/Daughter” by Rilo Kiley