…and you thought your life was exciting!

Archive for the ‘rant’ Category

Woman at Bank has a Baby at Home

with 6 comments


A few things…

1. I’m not sure why I look so muscular in panel one, but I can assure you that I’m far from being a bodybuilder’s doppelganger. I’m sure Tara will try to undermine this claim in the comments below, but believe me people–I get sore just lifting the covers over me at night!

2. Babies do not entitle people to whatever they want. I’m sorry, they just don’t. I waited (or queued if you’re British) patiently and properly; just because I didn’t squeeze something out of my who-ha doesn’t mean you get first grabs. Also, I couldn’t help but imagine her baby at home, all alone, crawling closer and closer to the unlocked liquor cabinet and rack of filthy magazines.

3. I apologize if I offended you (people that might have been offended include: women, women with babies, a baby, bodybuilders, alcoholics, and porno mag lovers).

The wind sounds just like the ocean
Blowing big through the trees in my backyard
I sit alone in a dark room smoking
And wondering where you are

– “Under the Western Stars” by Everclear

Written by Paul

October 26, 2008 at 6:25 pm

Posted in business, comics, jerks, rant, weirdness, women

Tagged with ,

The Friend Curse: Return of the Living Dread

with 3 comments

Fetal position for the win?

Anyways, I’m not going to be explaining the friend curse just yet. I’m saving that for a future project, but I’m sure you get the handle of things here. Hopefully. Maybe. Carry on…

Written by Paul

September 4, 2008 at 7:49 pm

A Trip to the Montclair Book Center

with 7 comments

It’s kind of my home-away-from-home.

I’m currently in a really grouchy mood. Why? Well, I finally got around to setting up the free printer/copier/scanner that came with Macaroni and dang-it-all, the thing is actually worse than my scanner from 1995. No joke. It won’t let me scan like I’d like to, and I’ve been playing with it for…hmm, three hours. Wow. What a good amount of time wasted. I had to actually re-draw the left side of this comic and 08/16/08’s comic because the new scanner likes to crop and cut and be annoying. What’s the purpose of that? There is no purpose. Just more work and stress for me. I’m sure I just need more practice with it to figure it out, but I’m already grouchy.

And I’m out of ice cream.

::slinks away::

Written by Paul

August 17, 2008 at 9:37 pm

#354 – The Moldy Cheese

with 14 comments

“Dang rotten kids, with their loud music and nose rings!” says Paul doing his cranky, old man impression. “Thinking a PA system in ShopRite is some kind of toy! Why, when I was their age, I didn’t even ever have a toy. I played with my big toe just to pass the time. And then I walked uphill to school. Barefoot. In the snow. EVERY DAY. Dang kids.”

Hmm, okay. Glad that that is out of my system now…

Question of the day: Which of you is the one with the moldy cheese and why on Earth are you hiding it in your pants?

The big stars that crash cars and get paid
To say lines and pay fines and get laid
I don’t have to look to see
That that place isn’t me
The guitars and money the big shots
Bad cops and charities go by

– “Bad Cops, Bad Charities” by PlayRadioPlay

Written by Paul

May 20, 2008 at 12:00 am

#328 – Reader Responses

with 16 comments

So, I was looking at my scanned in line art for this week’s comics and I thought, “Hmm, if I color all of these it’ll take me all night long. If I just do black and white I can be done in 15 minutes and then spend the rest of the night farting around on the Interweb.”

Guess which option I picked.

Monday brought me some nice mail, which I conveniently placed on top of the not-so-nice mail:

I got my contributor copies for Kaleidotrope #4, which is publishing my short story “She’s a Hearth,” as well as a freebie from High Maintenance Machine since I entered his contest. Now to find a place to put that sticker…

I really really really really want to go to the New York Comic Con this Saturday, April 19th. Someone please go with me so I don’t have to take the ferry or train into the city by myself. If I end up doing that, I will most assuredly get mugged, shot, and then die all alone in a heap of trash. In that order. So please, you know you want to geek out with moi.

Written by Paul

April 15, 2008 at 8:40 am

#326 – Elevator VS. Stairs

with 6 comments

This is a decision I have to make two times a day, five days a week…and boy is it a doozy. Yesterday, I went with the elevator and ended up getting stuck in the middle of two people having a deeply heated conversation about that viral video sweeping the web lately. You know, the one where the teenagers kidnap that girl and beat on her a lot. Well, I guess I’m not enough to stop their chit-chatting as they happily spoke through me. Ugh.

The stairs in my work building are quite narrow, which means if someone is running down behind you there are only two options: 1) make love to the wall so they can pass or 2) try and speed things up yourself, which can be dangerous and exhausting all at once. So, erm, yeah. These are the sorts of dilemmas that plague my daily existence. I know, you’re astounded.

Site-wise, I’ve added a section to the MyLifeComics sidebar for most recent comments. If any are interested, they can sign up with WordPress to upload their own avatar or can grab one free over at Maybe I might even draw a few this weekend that people can use…

Speaking of the weekend, what is everybody up to? Tonight is a new episode of Battlestar Galactica. Really, that’s all that matters to me. Eh, just kidding. I’d love to finish up some freelance work I have laying around the place. And then sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep…

Written by Paul

April 11, 2008 at 8:43 am

#319 – Beyond Advice

with 12 comments

I don’t play many sports, mostly because I get very turned off by their competitive nature. Now, that does not mean I’m not competitive (I can be), but in sports everything is taken up a couple hundred notches. In high school, I was pressured into signing up for the golf team. Immediately, I knew I was out of place as I watched everyone claim they could out-drive one another and began putting some monetary bets on these beliefs. I did not participate. Tryouts came and went, and I did not make the team. I was secretly both relieved and ecstatic. I continued to go to class with a lot of the golf team members, listening to their stories of woe or brags of might, and I really couldn’t understand. When I golf now, I like it to just be me and my father. Sometimes just me. Bringing in other people is a wager, and these were the sorts that I had gone to high school with. Still concerned about beer and betting on who was the better golfer…nope, not for me. And unsolicited advice is something that really grates my cheese. I don’t hand my own out; therefore, don’t give me any. I’m not looking to be the next Tiger Woods. I just want to play a little golf, feel good if I sink a long putt, and be content with all of that.

Also, calling me a “big guy” is an easy way to get me to hate you. Don’t effing do it.

So, what’s your favorite sport?

Written by Paul

April 2, 2008 at 8:43 am

Posted in musings, rant, sports

Tagged with

#292 – Lingering Rain

with 6 comments

I’ll do a mini update on the weather here in New Jersey for Momma Dukes’ sake…SNOW. LOTS OF IT. STILL COMING DOWN. COLD SHOES. UP TO ANKLES. SLUSH SLUSH SLUSH. CAN’T DRIVE UP HILLS. COLD. RAINY. SNOWY. CHANCE OF ANNOYANCE? 106%. I think I’ll work through lunch today so I can go home early, get warm, and play my Nintendo DS.

Why the DS? Well, I promised Bitsy I’d work on my town in Animal Crossing: WW and I mean to make well on that promise. I have already started revamping my house. Bottom floor is now mostly ranch items, with a lucky cat in the corner. Upstairs is my smaller robo-room (still need a robo-floor). I also have a four-leaf clover on the table. Yay!

Anyways, “#291 – The Cookie Man” is currently being featured on the front page of WordPress. That’s nice. If you can’t see it, try refreshing or looking under the “food” category.

How about y’all? What are you up to for the next two days?

Written by Paul

February 22, 2008 at 9:38 am

#271 – Back in the Day

with 8 comments

Don’t worry, the remaining Arizona vacation comics (parts, um, six through like, er, I wanna say eleven or so) will continue later on. I wanted to post other things that have been happening. There, there. No need to weep. It’ll be okay. I promise, I promise.

Anyways, back in the day people used to say hello to one another? What, like in the 1930s? This is what I should have said immediately after her comment: DO NOT TALK TO ME ON ELEVATORS.

In other news, I’m a bit tired. A weekend of movies, taking care of doggies and a cat (Dewey never came out of hiding), and some gaming into the night has me feeling a bit out of it. Consider me super jealous to all those that don’t have work today. That’s right, teachers. I’m giving y’all the stink eye.

Written by Paul

January 21, 2008 at 9:34 am

#262 – Game Sucks

with 12 comments

The videogame in question is Lord of the Rings: The Third Age, which, by any straight-minded person’s standards, is not a great game. But that is not the point. I am the customer, I make the decisions, and the employee merely needs to ring me up. I mean, this sort of thing wouldn’t happen at a restaurant:

Customer: I’ll have the soy mince, aubergine, and black bean chilli.
Waiter: Oh, you don’t want that. That dish sucks.

So why is this allowed in GameStop then? Well, they seem nearly determined to hire the youth of America and give them free run of the shop at times. But this shouldn’t be! They need to be taught that the customer is always right! I had to learn that long ago, back when I peddled ice cream cones to mean, old ladies that complained about the price between one scoop of butter pecan and two scoops. No matter what, they were right. Who cares if I thought rum raisin tasted like leftover sewage? It was not my place to say.

In closing, I hate GameStop still. Yet I continue to shop there…

Written by Paul

January 8, 2008 at 9:39 am