…and you thought your life was exciting!

#343 – Lion Mountain

with 8 comments

Just think about it, people. Saturday night, a prime time of 9:00 p.m., you’re sitting around in your undies flipping through the channels in search of something good to watch. Something entertaining, something smart, something worth your very brain cells. And then a new show debuts, my show, replete with a tribal-heavy soundtrack of bongos and frenetic chanting: “Boy VS. The World with Lion Mountain”

I know, right. It sounds pretty dang awesome already. What’s the premise? Why, I’m glad you asked.

In “Boy VS. The World with Lion Mountain,” I travel all across the globe, taking on the challenges that greater men prior failed at. For example, in the very first episode, I slay an ogre. Future episodes may or may not see me doing battle with an army of undead soldiers, climbing Mount Everest, and creating the first flying car in a race of time against my weekly nemesis Dr. Brains (portrayed by none other than the sexy Michael Caine). So set your TIVOs and recording devices because, really, I’m taking over your television sets very, very soon. All your base are belong to us. If you don’t get that last part, it’s okay.

Now all I need is a catchphrase…

Question of the day: How ridiculous is Bear Grylls?

Your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below

– “A Better Son/Daughter” by Rilo Kiley

Written by Paul

May 5, 2008 at 12:00 am

8 Responses

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  1. hahaha Oh, I’m so bright :p I’m so honored I made an appearance!!

    also you have to speak in SOME kind of accent. Also, we’d have to think of an interesting spelling of Lion Mountain… hmmm…I’d have to agree that he is pretty ridiculous but nonetheless interesting to watch. (Even if he WAS eating some poor dead fox and stabbing fish in the head… all in a days work, I suppose.)

    😉 it was an eventful evening!

    Oh Berlin 67

    May 5, 2008 at 12:08 am

  2. sooo…what is going on between those two on the couch <.<


    May 5, 2008 at 12:40 am

  3. you and the wild, bug infested wilderness?! I am incredulous!!!!


    May 5, 2008 at 10:55 am

  4. Tara: Hmm, Lyon Mountain definitely looks a bit more manly. Let’s go with that one.

    Monica: ::throws a plushie at you::

    Bitsy: You certainly are incredible! Oh, wait. That wasn’t the word you used…hmm.


    May 5, 2008 at 11:05 am

  5. Have never heard of this Bear Grill.

    Is she pinching your…pocket?


    May 5, 2008 at 11:53 am

  6. Bear Grylls is a man amongst boys as far as television is concerned. Too bad he was like Roger Clemens with his little shenanigans and denials about the validity of his older episodes.

    Still, I bet Lion Mountain wouldn’t have needed any help from his crew, unless you count his key grip who happens to own the only ogre slaying sword in the world! For shame Lion Mountain, taking credit for something your key grip did.


    May 5, 2008 at 12:02 pm

  7. ::dodges plushie:: haha


    May 5, 2008 at 1:17 pm

  8. Okay, I’ll leave the little couch action alone as others have drawn attention to it.

    And I must profess with my most adamant online voice that Bear is NOT a man. He’s a fake. Sure, sure, he goes out and “survives” in the wild. But how does he get those stunning action shots? Whoa, wait, is that a camera crew following him around? Why yes it is!

    Bear, my boy, let me introduce you to a REAL man. Les Stroud. Sure, he may be Canadian and use funny words, but he survives. ALONE. He runs his own cameras. Does his own editing. Scores his own music. He’s a one man show. And he has a semi-normal name. He’s been chased by jaguars, pulled a Waterworld with his own urine, and lived on scorpions. Now THAT is a man.

    So Paul, please, please, please don’t be like Bear. You can have a funny name, but do a quality show like Les. I’d respect you more.


    May 6, 2008 at 8:46 am

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