…and you thought your life was exciting!

#165 – Haircut, Horse, and Herpes

with 9 comments

So, here’s what this woman told me. Back in the day, before a man was to get married, he’d go to his local barbershop and request for a straight razor shave. This type of shave is considered far more superior than a normal razor blade, often removing five o’clock shadows in no time. But! BUT! Also back in the day, they used the same razor blade over and over and over. And rarely cleaned anything…well, properly. So, I think her point was that if a man came in, had herpes of the neck (or some other sort of STD), and got a shave then the next person to use that blade would also get his disease. I don’t know. Then she had a good laugh about “explaining that one to your wife, heh.”

Why can’t I just sit in the chair and stare at myself in silence for ten minutes when I’m getting a haircut? Huh? WHY CAN’T I?


Written by Paul

August 6, 2007 at 12:38 pm

Posted in haircut, weirdness, women

9 Responses

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  1. Oh Biff, isn’t that a small price to pay for taming the fro?


    August 6, 2007 at 12:57 pm

  2. My hair “stylist” once ripped my earring out with the comb. And they’re (little) diamond stud post earrings, not big ‘ol hoops. And yeah, he’s a real chatty fellow, too. But, at least he’s entertaining…always dogging on Pat Robertson and corrupt politicians.

    How were the little piggies? I saw a pig Saturday, too. A concrete one perched on a pedestal at the bottom of the lake we were diving in.


    August 6, 2007 at 12:59 pm

  3. Bitsy: I don’t have a ‘fro! Well, not anymore at least…

    Trina: Thankfully, I don’t wear earrings cause that sounds like it might’ve hurt a tad. Are hairstylists, by nature, chatty folk? And the piggies…well, they weren’t small. I guess they were more like hogs. Also, they didn’t race so much as they trotted a few steps, stopped to sniff the dirt, and were then sort of pushed along by the people running the race.


    August 6, 2007 at 1:21 pm

  4. Watching hogs root around doesn’t sound like much fun. The one I went to had cute little pink piggies and they ran their curly little tails off! They also had some of those pot-belly pigs, but they weren’t so cute.


    August 6, 2007 at 1:53 pm

  5. Sorry I missed the betting for the pigs!

    I used to go get my hairs cut, but like you, I just want to sit there with no conversation. I do the same thing at the gym. I go, I work out, and then I leave. No talking required. Planning on getting an iPod soon so I can listen to some books and really ignore people! Back to the hairs cut, I used to get them done through a barber, but then I started figuring how much I hated going because of the talking, then coupled with the fact that they normally screw up but I am too much of a sissy to say anything, oh, and also how much it costs! So, I asked Ashley to do it and it had been going on three years now.

    Let me do a quick calculation.

    Okay, I am back. Basing a haircut costing me $8(which was on the low end for me)with a $3 tip and me normally trying to get a haircut once every three weeks, I have saved $561 over the past three years. Though, I have to subtract $125 from that as I went and bought Ashley some nice haircutting tools to get the job done, so I saved $435. Plus, she has to be seen with me on a regular basis so she always does a bang up job!

    I used to wear “hoops” and the barber got the comb stuck in the them a few times, so I used to take those puppies out before each shearing. Man did that hurt.


    August 6, 2007 at 4:27 pm

  6. …and the winner for “Longest Comment So Far” goes to…Patrick! Yay! ::confetti::

    Hey, you’re saving money, and I’m guessing you’re pretty pleased with Ashley’s haircutting skills. At least she doesn’t smack you in the face with a comb? Or does she? Dun dun duuuuun.

    And yeah, my haircut at the mall totally cost me $15, with a $3 tip. Oi. Way too much just to trim some hobbit hair.


    August 6, 2007 at 5:36 pm

  7. See, I’ve learned a thing or two about barbers and hair “stylists” over the years. Here are “7 Things You Need To Know About Barbers.”

    First, never say your haircut looks bad when they ask. After all, they are holding scissors or some other sharp object that can easily be thrust into your jugular.

    Second, if a barber asks what guard number you prefer, he (or she) is NOT a barber in the truest sense of the word. A real barber will know what to use when you ask for a “long crew” or a “flat top.” Most even know what you mean when you ask for “handlebars” or “fenders.”

    Third, I hate to be sexist, but I’ve never met a female barber. I’ve met some that pretended fairly well, but they wouldn’t know the difference between a straight razor and a Gillette Mach 3.

    Fourth, a straight razor across the back of your neck is right behind sex and chocolate as one of the best feelings you’ll ever experience. Assuming of course that the individual using it is qualified. Otherwise you’re better off with that damn Gillette.

    Fifth, a good barber will know when to speak and when to shut the hell up. My old barber would make some small talk but knew when to keep his trap shut. If I didn’t speak, neither did he. My current barber speaks too much. And it’s because of his open mouth policy that I’ve learned he’s rather bigoted and possible racist. And to top it off, he’s a Republican. Maybe I should cut my own hair.

    Sixth, to even out the “sharp object” ratio, I simply carry my gun when I get my hair cut. Now I can say he missed a spot without fearing for my blood spilling on the floor.

    Seventh, a good barber will provide you porn and coffee. Not being a coffee drinker, only half of this is important to me. But what’s odder still, my old barber (who has been cutting my hair and my father’s for 20+ years) must still see me as a child because he only gives his copies of Playboy to my Dad.

    And the scary part about all this? I came up with these 7 things off the top of my head. Maybe I should do some work today, no?


    August 6, 2007 at 7:48 pm

  8. That’s like the craziest list I’ve ever seen, TK. I hope you got some work done eventually. 😛


    August 7, 2007 at 12:53 pm

  9. My husband has never gone to a barber. Is it a much different experience than just a jcpennys stylist or something?


    August 28, 2007 at 5:25 pm

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